Researchers Wendy Wang and Michael Toscano recently found that 44% of married adults under the age of 35 say their spouse is on their phone too much, as do 34% of married adults between 35 and 55.
Technology overuse use among children and teens is generally acknowledged as a problem, especially amid growing evidence of the link between an alarming decline in adolescent mental health and smartphone and social media use. But as adults, we often tell ourselves that we are immune to the problems that plague younger generations. The reality is that our collective overuse of technology, especially smartphones, is taking a toll not only on our attention spans and our mental health, but also on our relationships.
Wang and Toscano observed relationship problems created by phone overuse among couples across the political spectrum and among religious and non-religious couples alike. They also found that problem phone use was present in all socioeconomic brackets, but that it is especially prevalent among lower income couples — a demographic that is already at high risk for marital collapse.
Couples who struggle with phone distraction are 70% less likely to be very happy in their marriages and are four times more likely to be concerned that their marriage will end in divorce than couples who do not identify phone use as a problem. Wang and Toscano’s research identified two factors associated with phone problems that may contribute to marital unhappiness among the couples in the study — less physical intimacy and fewer date nights. Couples with greater control over their phone use reported more frequent sex and more quality time spent together as a couple, both of which are associated with greater marital happiness and stability.
Our choices and habits have a profound effect on the people around us. For those who are married, phone habits can be the difference between whether or not one’s spouse feels that they are loved, valued, and respected. For parents, modeling undisciplined technology habits often means passing them on to the next generation while failing to communicate the importance of face-to-face interaction. The good news is, the reverse is also true. When spouses prioritize tech-free quality time, they strengthen their marriage and create a happier, more stable environment for their children. Children raised by parents with healthy technology habits are more likely to have healthy habits themselves, especially when families intentionally pursue face-to-face activities with one another.
Technology can be a beneficial tool, but when overused it can undermine relationships, reduce intimacy, and destabilize families. Genuine presence with the people around us is something that, as humans, we all need. We are not designed to have our relationships mediated by screens. We are created for incarnate relationships with one another where we value the physical presence and attention of the people around us. All of us, regardless of our age, relationship status, or season of life can and must choose to prioritize the people around us over the lonely glow of a pocket-sized dopamine addiction.
